Including Your Partner

Working out with your significant other is a great way to help you both stay consistent.

I'm sure you've heard that before. And, it can be true. But, trying to workout with your partner can also feel like running a a three-legged potato sack race. Trying to coordinate another human's motivations, schedule, and movement preferences to be the same as yours is an exceptionally big ask.

When I work with clients, I often ask them who in their lives support their exercise and fitness habits. Meeting another person at the gym, or going together, is an excellent accountability tactic. Especially for women who are often socialized to "show up" for others more than themselves, leaning into a partner or friend to help set up a new routine makes a lot of sense.

Sometimes, though, the client--especially women-- will say that this workout buddy cannot be their partner or spouse. Like, hard stop. Usually they explain that they've tried this in the past, but that they resent having to schedule and motivate their husbands and feel little in return. Maybe they could see if a friend or coworker would be interested in working out with them, but their spouse is a "no."

I get it. If you've ever ran one of those three-legged races, you know that if the partners are not both equally participating, equally showing up for each other, its basically a disaster. Same for trying partner training with spouses. Our relationships with our spouses, in particular, come with all sorts of baggage and negotiations and ingrained habits that don't necessarily translate to being suitable workout partners. This doesn't mean the relationship is bad....only that it is coming with patterns that may support or impede your own fitness.

If you've never tried working out with your spouse, then, consider how aligned your fitness needs and goals are.

• Who is usually the motivator in the relationship? Is that person comfortable extending that into your fitness routine?

• What types of exercise do you both like? Are there classes that you'd like to attend together?

• When do you both like to workout? Mornings? Evenings? Are your schedule suitably aligned to accommodate both people's preferences?

• Do you prefer doing the same thing and interacting and talking when you go to the gym? Or, do you prefer being in a little psychic bubble once you get on that treadmill?

With a little review, you may find quickly that trying to run that race with your spouse will be a losing battle....and why add stress? Would it be cool if you and your spouse your "fitness-aligned"? Maybe. But, it's not necessary, and it isn't a good excuse to hold you back from exercising.

If you are the type of person that needs a connection, another person to "show up" at the gym for, keep looking. Ask your coworkers, friends, family members (including you kids!)....you may be surprised! Maybe someone already has a routine that you could join and aligns well with both of you. Or, maybe your sister is ready to get active, has the same motivation, also likes morning workouts that mix cardio and weights, and your schedules align!

Personal training is also a great option if you do better when you have to show up for another person. Many of my own clients are perfectly capable of working out on their own, but they know they won't unless they have to show up for the session. So, PT is they're reliable brain "hack" to keep them healthy and mobile.

Even if you have no one in your life to work out with, I'm going to share a secret. Just start showing up to group fitness classes at your local Y or gym. Seriously. Try some out, find one you like, and I promise....suddenly if you don't show, people notice. And, then you'll find yourself showing up because the others expect you too. Your instructor's "see you next week" becomes meaningful and motivating.